changing with people...unknowingly.!

i was just going through my old school picz 2day.remembring all the times,good and the bad,and i realised that the reason why i was so impatient and immature always was my FRIENDS!!lol!!yeaaa!!

anything i asked for,anything i wanted,whatever tantrums i made,no matter how much i irritated them,troubled them,there they were!never once correcting me,never once fighting with me,always treated me like a princess!!(thats what i liked being called in school!)

if any1 ever said anything about me or did anything 2 hurt or upset,instead of telling me to get over it and giving me boring lectures,they were there planning revenge or something or the other...sometimes i would tell them that i was fine and that they dint need to take all the trouble and they would tell me to stop being such a 'saint'!!

and thats why i love them so much...cos they always accepted me as i was,loved me with all my flaws,helped me out of all shit...

i remember one incident that happened with me and my best friend kunjal because of which we have bonded more.we were in the same section in 11th but in 12th got shuffled.she was in 'g' and i ws in 'h'..when we got shuffled,we were in tears but gradually we settled down...kunj would always come to my class after every period and things were kewl...in 'h' section i became frenz with another girl...i sat with her everyday and we used to be together a lot...1 day kunj came inside my class and i dint even notice her...i was so busy talkin to the other girl...she said hi and i said hi back but again got involved talkin to the other girl....i saw kunj suddenly get very red and and she shouted angrily "yea.make new best friends and when i'm not around you'l realise my value"saying this she stormed out..i was stunned for a moment...shit!!i'd made her feel she was replaced!!shit!!my teacher came inside the class...it was a math class and i wrote kunj a long letter saying sorry i took her for granted and that i would never even think of replacing her and that i valued her...next period i went to her class...there she sat still red,i asked her if she was okk,she scowled,i gave her the letter and ran to the girls loo...she started running after me,calling me but i wouldn't stop...to the people in the corridors watchin us running towards the loo was a funny sight i'm sure!!i locked myself in 1 cubicle and cried and she kept knockin and calling out saying she was sorry..i sobed from inside that i was at fault...she said no she was...finally i came out and cried like crazy and kunj seeing me like that was almost in tears...she's a very unexpressive girl....it takes her a lot to say something and she never had to cause i always understood but that day she opened up beautifully,expressed in clear words everything and i felt better...i'v never known the jealousy of losing a friend to someone..she explained it to me...when we went back to our classes it was the last period.chutti time we met in the bus area and she handed me a letter and we hugged and parted..
i read the letter in the bus and when i reached home there were was also a message from her...that day was the worst and best for me....my friend forgot her own grief and was saying sorry to me when the mistake was mine!i never in my life took her granted after that!

and of my impatience and temper,now that i think of it,i was dangerous!!lol!!
there was this friend of mine in school...i remember he'd gone out of station for quite sometime and returned...i expected he would come and meet me but i was so weird i dint think of going myself and meeting him...he met all his friends but me,and by break time i was furious!i met him in the corridor in the break...he came upto me and said 'hii!!hows ya?!' i was so mad i shouted at him in front of atleast 50 students of our batch,'get lost yaaa!!i dun wanna talk to you..'and walked off...his friends were laughin at him but i gave a damn..he gave me a confused look and walked off...later chutti time he came upto me and asked 'radz what was that all about?what did i do that you yelled at me that way?' i was still in a foul mood 'well you forgot i was your friend...you met every1 but me...even those stupid girls you normally bitch about...' he said ' i dint call these stupid girls everyday from punjab!i called you!so you're not a friend den?!?' i was getting really agitated for no reason 'you'l never understand me...' he looked at me and said 'fine then,we aren't frenz then i suppose?' i said ' i suppose so 2!' and walked towards my bus...
on my way home i chilled out,calmed down and saw sense...after my lunch i messaged him that very instant,'i'm sorry yaar...i was very rude i know...if u eva shouted at me in fronta ppl i wud neva 4giv u but i hop u 4giv me...i miss u' he replied 'bubby its ok...i missed you 2...and i'l always meet ya 1st and foremost!ok now?'....i felt so bad....i was so bad to him and it took him 2 seconds to accept my apology...i called him and cried and apologised again...later i asked him why he forgave me...he said 'cos ur my bubby frend...impatient and crazy...does things outta impulse...u shouted outta impulse...sed sorry outta impulse....you're from the heart....knw wt i mean na?you must've felt bad when i said hi to every1 but you..'i said 'r u serious?i lost it for no reason' he said 'but u found it 2!!and i know you wouldn't till i was fine 2!ur a complicated gal anyway' ...i was quiet and then i said, ' thanx....ur an awesome friend...i'm very lucky to have people like you around'
'i kno i kno' he chuckled!!dis particulr person iv tortured a lot and vice versa!lol!i was like the limit of rudeness with him but we were stil best friends...once we had a fight and even after it was resolved i was pissed!!owing to my weird nature...he used to call me everyday and that day when he dint i called him and said 'are you plannin on not talkin or wot?'(this became my pet dialog wheneva i was angry!)..i expected he would be angry too but he said calmly 'no radz!!u think i can manage without talkin to u?i wasn't at home yaa tats y i dint call...dint u get my messages?'...i was taken aback by his positive response 'ummm no i dint...but tatz no excuse realy to talk to u like tat...im sorry..'he said.'naa,i am,bubz!u cried cos of me today...hated it!'

after school i met my boyfriend...n he's 1 person i'v met after school who has always tried 2 understand me no matter what!!even when i'v been a mean bitch,he's been there to straighten out things!if i write instances of us here about our understandings and misunderstandings,i'l be sittin here typin till mornin!!and i anyway dun share my personal life with every1 but yes,i love him and its because of him i'm becoming mature and a good person...

now that i'm outta school i miss some people around me...its like i've had to change myself in a lot of ways just to adjust in the new scenario..where i dun hav ppl backin me up even if i'm wrong....understandin my true feelings...forgivin me easily as if i'd done nothing...now i feel that if i'm the same impatient and crazy person,people dun accept me,think i have a weird attitude and ego and stuff like that(except bf n ol!!)...no1s ever said that to me but i personally feel like that...and its not that those people in school were with me for years...k ws ma frend for 2 yrs and the guy mentioned above for like 4.....but they had such a level of understanding!every1 knew about me too much...more than me!

i really miss every1 and the old crazyyy me tooo(not the temper part though!)..but i guess we all have to mature with time....with diff people...but one thing's for sure,i'l change how much in the years to come i dunno!but i'll always remember the school me VIVIDLY!!hehe..

yes,sometimes i feel changin is for our own good..i'm learnin 2 adapt 2 diff typa ppl,maturin which i think is very imp for me..in real life,as in,in the outside world i wont always have people 2 pamper me.....and i feel i only want the specified people i have right now in that category....additions will always be there in my list but no deltions 4 sure! ;)